


I Loved You First

by Starofwinter



Series: Sweetest Downfall [5]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Sev can't decide whether he loves or hates Atin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set between "Choice" and "No One Ever Told Me Grief Felt So Much Like Fear."

Sev grits his teeth to hold back a whine as he pulls his shirt over his head, cursing quietly as he feels the wounds on his back break open with the movement.  He finally gets it off, the fabric stiff with dried blood.  He tosses it in the direction of the sinks - he’ll clean it up later, once he’s gotten himself washed up.  

“Sev?”  Atin’s voice makes him jump, and he swears under his breath.

“Fuck off, Atin,” he snaps, trying to turn around before the other commando walks in and sees him.  It doesn’t work, and Sev  _ hates _ the soft intake of breath he hears from behind him.  “Just go.”

Atin growls from behind him.  “Who did this?” he demands, reaching out to turn Sev to face him, “Are they dead yet?”  The look in his eyes is very nearly feral, and it makes Sev want to pin him to the wall - either to kiss him or start another fight, he’s not sure.  

Instead of doing either, he rolls his eyes and picks himself up, stripping off the rest of his clothes.  “Vau, and no.  You’re not killing him either,  _ di’kut _ , so don’t even think about it.”  Sev heads to the ‘fresher, hissing as the water makes contact with the broken skin on his back.  

Atin rolls his eyes and starts to strip, efficient and quick as always.  “You’re never gonna get that clean on your own, hang on.”  He steps in with Sev, crowding him a little.  His touch is lighter than Sev expects, almost infuriatingly gentle as he helps him wash away the dried blood, cleaning the wounds.  There aren’t many - Sev isn’t sure why Vau went easy on him - but they hurt like hells and he  _ aches _ .  He doesn’t know if that’s from the beating, or the way his chest feels hollowed out and his heart heavy.   “What happened?” Atin asks, his hands lingering on the unbruised space on Sev’s shoulders.  

“Does it matter?”  Sev can’t help the sullen way he says it, no matter how much he wishes he could.  

“Does it-  _ of course it damn well matters _ , Sev.  Vau beat you, and I fucking want to know why, before I kill him for-”   _ For laying a hand on you, _ Atin doesn’t say, but the words linger in the air anyway.

Sev laughs, quiet and bitter, still not turning to face him.  “You.  Isn’t it always you?  I- fuck, Atin, my life was fucking  _ fine _ before you showed up!  I was fine!  Vau was a dick, sure, but it was never like this!  I wouldn’t-  I-” his breath hitches, but he keeps going, “I wouldn’t tell him to fuck off just because I- I want you  _ more _ .”  He doesn’t look back at Atin, and he  _ isn’t _ shaking; they’re commandos, they don’t break down like that.  They can’t afford it.  

Atin hesitates, a hand still outstretched as Sev pulls away and goes to grab a towel.  He scrubs his hair mostly dry and wraps the towel around himself before he collapses to sit on one of the benches in the room.  He drops his head into his hands, his fingers tangling in his hair.  “I want to hate you,” Sev finally says, “I should hate you.  I did hate you.  I-  I don’t know if I do anymore.  I don’t know anything anymore, and it’s  _ your fault _ .  You came in and you fucked everything up, and I don’t know if I love you or if I want to kill you for it.”  He takes another shuddering breath as Atin dries off and walks over to sit next to him.  Neither of them say anything for a little while, but Sev leans into his shoulder, closing his eyes as he rests his head against Atin’s.  

“I know,” Atin says simply, and closes his eyes as he rests a hand at the back of his neck to hold him close while Sev shakes himself apart against his side.


End file.
